Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Eyewitness Reports Theft

At 6:13 pm CST in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex, Sophia Oney age 4 reported seeing a large white porcelain toilet confiscate and hide a tractor belonging to Connor Oney age 1. According to our witness Sophia, she was playing with said all metal, brand new, green, John Deere tractor, while using the facilities. She had just borrowed the tractor from her brother who was playing with another toy in another location in the home. As she began to finalize her business, the tractor slipped and was sucked into the jaws of life along with any other current and past projects.

The thief has refused to surrender the stolen property and continues to be operational thus far in it's current expertise of business. Until then, Connor Oney has filed a grievance against his sister for his lost birthday present. One can only wonder at what the thief is using the John Deere for, but you can bet it's still running because "Nothing Runs like a Deere".

Should any plumbers find this missing equipment, please contact Connor Oney.

Baler attachment was not stolen along with the tractor.

*** UPDATE****
8:36 pm on Thursday August 15, recent update on the story concerning the stolen John Deere tractor. A professional procurer of plumbing problems was notified after the suspect started having problems keeping things down. The professional using an auger was able to surface the top, a wheel attached to an axle, and the hood. The remainder of the John Deere managed to vacate further into the sewer line, where one can only wonder what interesting projects it is being used for, particularly with three wheels and no front axle. If anyone is interested in purchasing a metal auger or 1 tractor tire to help pay the bill for extracting the parts, please feel free to contact the Oneys. Otherwise, Sophie might be put on a payment plan from her weekly allowance money.

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