Tuesday, February 11, 2014

I'm So TIRED!

You know the song from Blazing Saddles- "Tired"?

That's how I feel. Like all my energy, all my plans, all my interests have just been sucked out of my life and into a black hole.

Instead of consuming weekends with family time with my family and completing necessary chores around the house, I find myself glued to my computer and school/work email. I work on powerpoints, assignments, lesson plans, evaluation forms, student behavioral forms, professional development book work, student tier ranking on academic test performance, grading, entering grades, and a host of other forms and to dos.

I used to enjoy spending the weekends doing things with the kids. Brian used to loathe the fact that when the weekend came I was always antsy to get out and do things with the kids- parks, museums, etc... Now, I struggle to get out of bed, and when I do, I have to work on school stuff. And don't think I'm not working on this stuff during the week- both during class when I'm not teaching, but also after class and occasionally during assorted meetings which happen twice a week.

Perhaps there is something to having a job where you can leave your troubles behind at work. Where you literally do work 8 to 5, and then spend the rest of your day and weekend focusing on yourself and your family.

I still like teaching, but this whole unforseen aspect is proving challenging not just me, but for my family. It's something I think few people see who are not in the teaching profession. Perhaps they focus on the holidays and the time off in the summer. But I feel like while I've been giving my students 110% of my life, it's caused me to give my own children just 10%. And in the end, students will come and go and despite the influences I may try to instill in them, there will always be 1,000 other influences which can impact their life for better or worse while I'm not there. My children, however, will be my responsibility for a lifetime and will always need a mother (even if they don't think so when they become teenagers).

So I often wonder what to do. How to find a work/life balance during the school year. How to pursue a career in education, yet not feel like I'm betraying and hurting my family by doing so. I wonder if everyone struggles with this? Or has someone found a way to overcome it? What has helped you with similar struggles and thoughts?

For those who haven't heard the song I mentioned previously, click THIS and it will take you to the video.  Course as you've probably read, my problem is not exactly the same as Madeline Kahn's the video, but the sentiment of being exhausted is still the same.

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